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Graceful Perseverance: Cinderella

Posted April 12th, 2015 @ 11:04am

Welcome back, everyone! This week let's chat about the first prince in every little girl's world. From as early as I can remember I gazed up into my father's eyes while gripping his shirttail, hoping he would see what my eyes were saying to him. My hope was that he would love me and see me as his "little Cinderella."Between worlds - fantasy tale

Always curious in my childhood, I wanted more than anything to know what it felt like to have a father who adored me, loved me and treated me like his little princess, his Cinderella. What does this desire mean to me personally?

Cinderella, in my child’s fairytale mind and still in my dreamy adult mind, feels like a beautiful young lady who resonates a powerful, bright light that most would find overwhelming when looking directly into my eyes. My inner spirit's beauty would burst through to the outside world making everyone who crossed my path become curious about the gift of light within me.

bookSurvivors-mWithout getting into the heartbreaking details of my childhood, I will just say that I was born into a family where there was no love. For the first six years of my life I experienced a severe life of child abuse provoked and carried out primarily by my birth mother due to a serious mental illness that went without psychological attention. My daily struggles were to literally stay alive and not allow my mother, the monster in my world, to crush my little girl spirit. In my daily battle to overcome her torture, I would silently wipe my teardrops in the quiet space of my closet, where I was isolated, separated and forbidden to be with my parents or siblings on the other side of the door.

In my isolated space I quickly learned how to entertain myself by rehearsing over and over in my little girl's mind that this torture, this life, was not due to anything I had done wrong as a little girl. It was caused by the dysfunction of the adults in my life, both my mother and my father. It was very clear to me that my birth mother would never be capable of loving me, but there was a glimmer of hope in my fairytale mind that maybe my father would come to my rescue and let me know that I was his Cinderella.

Father and little daughter silhouettes at sunsetToday at 53, I realize that I still dream of what it might be like to have a father who would see me as his Cinderella. Today I know this dream has long since passed, and I will never get to feel the love between a father and his daughter. I refuse to focus on the loss but I remain in my fairy tale through a very beautiful song by Steven Curtis Chapman called "Cinderella." When I listen to this song, sing along to the lyrics, I get a small piece of a world I never got to experience as a little girl. A small gift that makes all things better in my heart.

Here's what I consider to be the most beautiful song by Steven Curtis Chapman. "Cinderella" captures so many of the emotions I have felt regarding my lifelong desire to have had a Daddy who loved me.silhouette of Cinderella wearing her glass slipper

She spins and she sways to whatever song plays, Without a care in the world, And I'm sitting here wearing the weight of the world on my shoulders, It's been a long day and there's still work to do, She's pulling at me saying, "Dad I need you!" There's a ball at the castle and I've been invited, and I need to practice my dancin’, "Oh, please, Daddy, please!"

So I will dance with Cinderella, While she is here in my arms, Cause I know something the prince never knew, Oh, I will dance with Cinderella, I don't want to miss even one song, Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight, And she'll be gone.

She says he's a nice guy and I'd be impressed, She wants to know if I approve of the dress, She says, "Dad, the prom is just one week away, And I need to practice my dancin, Oh, please, Daddy, please!"

Princess crownSo I will dance with Cinderella, While she is here in my arms, Cause I know something the prince never knew, Oh, I will dance with Cinderella, I don't want to miss even one song, Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight, And she'll be gone, She will be gone.

But she came home today with a ring on her hand, Just glowing and telling us all they had planned, She says, "Dad, the wedding's still six months away but I need to practice my dancin’, Oh, please, Daddy, please!"

So I will dance with Cinderella, While she is here in my arms, Cause I know something fairy palace bookthe prince never knew, Oh, I will dance with Cinderella, I don't want to miss even one song, Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight, And she'll be gone.

Blessings,

Debra M. Pauli

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