Blog Cafe

Graceful Perseverance: Educating a Man's Mind

Posted September 24th, 2014 @ 07:09am

Welcome back, everyone! This week’s blog is primarily for women – How to educate the mind of a man!

I have several non-derogatory questions. Where are all the gentlemen? Whatever happened to the respectful man who treats a woman like a real lady and not just a one-night stand in-between the sheets with no strings attached the next morning? What happened to the gentleman who rushes to the car in pouring rain or sunny skies to open the door for a woman before she gets there? What happened to the man who pulled out her chair in a quiet romantic corner of their favorite restaurant and then held her hand all night long? What happened to the man who would feel responsible for helping his gorgeous woman wearing 5-inch heels while walking across a rainy, wet parking lot because she’s a special lady or maybe even because she could use the help.

What happened to the men of this world who truly know how to date a woman without the little boy games? What happened to the men who prefer to pick up the phone and actually know how to “court” a woman? How many men today know how to call and ask a woman for a Friday night dinner, movie or dancing and then picks her up at her front door? And when he arrives, he’s holding a small bouquet of flowers behind his back to brighten her already beautiful smile.


Ladies, how do we educate the mind of a man? Are we not worthy of their respect? Do they not see our intelligence, our beauty and our worth? It is true that we, as women, need to give them something to respect as well. Women were meant to be loved, not used or abused. Women, never allow a man to disrespect you, mistreat you, or take advantage of you. Never allow them to make you feel beneath them because of their own insecurities. I’ve been a single woman now for 4 years. I don’t have all the answers and I don’t claim to be an expert at dating. I’m pretty confident I have a lot more to learn about the single lifestyle. In the past four years I was in two serious relationships, each lasting 18 months from start to end.

With both relationships, I jumped into the deep end of the pool with both men, so to speak, but disrespect reared its ugly head much too late for me to grab the life preserver and swim to safety. My heart has been broken more than I care to admit. My heart was shattered in both relationships because I desperately wanted them to work out. Both times, I found myself cleaning up the ashes and rebuilding my life because I still didn’t understand the mind of a man. Most men are non-committal. If a woman is looking for a man who wants to commit, the last thing you want to do is move in together.  As women, we think if we move in together, we will convert them, make our man stronger, better, and more responsible. Actually, just the opposite typically happens for most of us. The situation becomes a train wreck because their expectations and ours are very different at the end of the day.

Whatever happened to the man who takes care of his woman, spiritually, emotionally and financially? What happened to “equal partnership” in serious relationships today? What happened to the man who kisses a woman before lights out, forever, not just the first six months of dating? What happened to the man who would never complain about giving his beautiful lady a full body massage. Men, trust me, if you are with a beautiful and intelligent woman, she will know how to make your world beautiful as well.


Even though I’ve experienced two failed relationships in the past four years, here’s what I’ve learned. I know now they were the wrong men for me. I know now that the perfect, chosen man is still out there, but God is preparing him and preparing me in this interim time, so that when we do come together, we will be ready for each other in a perfect place and a perfect time of our lives. I’ve learned to wait and not chase. I will never forgot what my dear friend said to me one day, “Debra, please stop chasing men because you really aren’t any good at it!” I had officially proven myself and got out of my own way and let God take over.

I about died laughing. Hilarious, but great advice. Whenever I take control of my love life, God laughs, because he knows I’m going to make a mess of it, make bad choices or the wrong choices, and I’ve definitely proven that.

64327_520599017978369_948781019_nSo, I no longer chase because men are just like buses, there will always be “another one” along in a minute. As a result, I’ve learned so much about myself and have learned to respect and love myself above anyone or anything else, which is really the key, ladies. I’ve learned to enjoy spending time with me. I enjoy hanging out with me. I guess I better enjoy being with me if I’m asking someone else to enjoy my company, right? What I’ve also learned is to be thankful to all of my failed relationships with men, because they truly have shown me everything I’m NOT looking for in a man. Women, walk away with your head and heart held high, and remember, you don’t need a man to complete you. You only need a man to accept you completely! ~ unknown.

bookOnce-mFor more tips and tricks toward educating the mind of a man and yourself, ladies, refer to my 5th book – Once Upon a Man, Frog or Prince – 2013. This book is filled with a lot of good advice, tips and tricks for women dating today. You can find this book at

Until next week, know that God has a great plan for your life, even that special man He’s chosen for you. Trust Him!

Debra M. Pauli

Author and Motivatonal Speaker

Post a Comment:

Comments (0):

There are no comments for this post. Be the first to comment!

Powered by: Avallo Panel